Monday, 26 February 2007

Hopefully a laugh for ya. LOL.

Here are some jokes that I have. Enjoy.

What is a tornado?
Mother nature doing the twist!

How old is your granddad?
I don't know but we've had him a long time!

Why was the Egyptian girl worried?
Because her daddy was a mummy!

Q: What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier pigeon?
A: A bird who knocks before delivering its message!

Q: What do you call a very rude bird?
A: A mockingbird!

Q: Where do birds meet for coffee?
A: In a nest-cafe!

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Lame excuses your partner uses to get out of sex: Part one

I have heard some really weird ones. So I thought I'd share some with you. My wife, Lady Isis Aradia will post some stuff she's heard later.

"We'll wake the neighbors."
"I'm not tired. I'm too awake to do it."
"I'm horny, but I'm not in the mood."
"We might wake the dog/cat."
"I had to much soda, and I might burp on ya'."
"I didn't have a headache when I came in here, but then you came in."
"I have P.M.S., yeah you can get it 2 times a month!"
"Get over it, you got it up, now go wash it."
"I should have told you this before, I'm really a man."
"Aliens kidnapped me and sewed both holes shut!"

This last one is just the kicks! This one is the best. The best one I've heard!
"Honey, My butt hurts."


©All rights reserved-2007- The words expressed here are the sole property of Elder RavenFire, and may not be copied, reused or reposted without the consent of Elder RavenFire.

Sunday, 25 February 2007


There's a ten year drought going on in Australia somewheres, rivers drying up, and the ones still flowing are sluggish with salinity. Our president doesn't believe in global warming. It snowed in Texas this year-- just a tiny bit. Pieces of an ancient glacier broke off of Canada, permanently altering the landscape. The Bay of Fundi's temperature has risen steadily over the past quarter century. It's global warming now. Bush 41 doesn't believe in it. We used to call it pollution.
We studied pollution in school. We broke up into teams, went out and took
pictures of factories with their smokestacks. We weren't allowed out at night and we didn't have the camera equipment for it anyways. We were young, idealistic. The smokestacks worked overtime throughout the nighttime. We were young but we jaded younger back then. We knew about the smokestacks. We didn't know about the poison inside of our refrigerators. We didn't know about the rain.
No one cared much about acid rain until many years later when
the expensive cars sitting on a dock in Florida started pitting from it.
No one cared about the fish getting killed off or the lakes up north going belly up or the rising mercury counts or any of that. It took the possessions and the outcries of the rich. Then, suddenly we cared. And we gave. And we are still giving these years later. Has anything changed?
Our snows have changed. Used to be we had snowpiles along the sides of
the roads over our heads. There was no place for the plows to put it. The winters were bitter cold.
Our winters have become warmer. Less snow. This winter we've had one
huge snowstorm and that was it. (Snowshoeing is better without the
bitter cold.) We used to have five or six. The black ice alone made for
nasty driving. So did the panicking dog who had to have a window open
a crack in all kinds of weather. He was practiced at the art of head-butting.
Our lawn mower got stolen last year. It won't matter though once our
grass lays brown and dieing from the excessive heat.I'm waiting for palm trees to show up in front of the house here. Any day now. I can feel them coming. I fear I will have to sell my snowshoes.
Until the palm trees do show up, I will have to content myself to fighting off a bit of cabin fever. Last year I bought some paper whites and forced them to bloom. That caused a small crisis of consciousness. Did the ancients engage in that practice? I didn't know. I immediately consulted with my more scholarly friends to find out.
This year I am going to buy some sand and throw it all over the house.
I can't risk ripping the time-space continuum again. So I'm making a
beach instead.
Welcome, I will say to anyone who calls. Care for a cool drink? Some
fruit? I'd offer you an ice cream but the ice cream truck is no longer allowed to ring its' bell. I missed it today. We finally care a little bit. The ice man is making his rounds again.
* * *
Time dances, twirling pirouettes. Shadows of a day fading beyond.
Butterflies cling on, defiant in the face of metallic blue atmospheric
forces. Long after all becomes due, I will remember.

sapphoq itching for a coffee

Saturday, 24 February 2007


A doctor is on a beach at the Jersey shore and he finds a magic lantern. He rubs it, and out pops a genie.

"I am a magic genie and I will grant you three wishes. But I am a New Jersey genie, and I also work for the lawyers. So you should know that what ever you wish for, every lawyer everywhere gets double. What is your first wish?"

The doc replies, "I would like a million dollars."

"It is done," says the genie, "and every lawyer everywhere has two million dollars. What is your second wish?"

The doc replies, "I would like a Porche Carrera."

"It is done," says the genie, "and every lawyer everywhere has two Porche Carreras. And your third wish?"

The doc thinks a bit, and replies, "You know, I've always wanted to donate a kidney."



What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?
No one cries when you cut a bagpipe in half.