Friday, 15 November 2013
Egofags in Recovery
One of the platitudes that I've heard "in the rooms" to the point of wanting to puke goes like this: EGO means Easing God Out. Frequently coupled with that is the notion that we must strive to become "selfless." I call bullshit.
Recovery is not about becoming selfless. We have to think about our selves. The ego is not something to be avoided or killed off. Merging into anyone or anything to the point where there is no longer a separate identity is not an admirable goal. [Possible exceptions might be sexual union between adults and the feeling of inter-connectiveness in a crowd]. The ego-- or "the self"-- is the framework from which we experience others. Our self-esteem is based on what we think about our own selves. [Esteem based on a deity might better be labeled as "god-esteem." Esteem based on others might be an expression of true co-dependency]. When I experience my self as enough, adequate to meet the challenges inherent in everyday living and strong enough to meet some extraordinary challenges, and as a unified or at least a semi-organized front, I [think that I probably] have a better crack at discovering true inter-dependency. Just as the map for human relations ought to include inter-dependency rather than total independence or total dependence, the map for recovery has room for the self. I am not interested in becoming selfish nor selfless. I am interested in the evolution of my own true self. The expression of my own true self is a catalyst for action.
Those who claim to be working toward "selflessness" are [in my anecdotal estimation only] egofags underneath their glitzy exteriors. Who else but an egofag would have the audacity to claim that their god has eased or is easing their egos out? An egofag secretly may strive for the attention garnered by seeming to possess special little snowflake status. The egofag, like the failed psychic or false prophet [N.B.: which is "all of 'em," folks], is not satisfied with being an ordinary human being just like everybody else. In that respect, the egofag is a close relative of the famefag and the leaderfag.
Egofags, famefags, and leaderfags all serve a necessary function. But then they refuse to get off of the stage after the curtain closes. They are addicted to other peoples' attention. They must be recognized for the good work that they do-- and some of them achieve the extraordinary-- and written up in the anals [misspelling intentional] of history. They are legends in their own minds and they don't allow you to forget it for one instant.
It is our own FALSE EGOS that we must strive to save our selves from. A healthy ego is an asset to recovery. I would no sooner strive to obliterate my ego that I would strive to use the word "we" all the time in all sentences in place of the word "I." When I got up this morning, I brushed my teeth. "We" did not brush "our" teeth. The wait staff in the restaurant who says, "How are WE doing today?" is annoying. The ego is the psychological center from which I move in the dance of relations. Why would I want to obliterate that?
sapphoq itching for a coffee says: Perform in the play, but then G.T.F.O. Stay for the curtain call, go to the party, collect the flowers but then go on home. I am not here to cater to your grossly-inflated FALSE ego.