Saturday, 12 January 2013
For the most part, I have been maintaining my weight with occasional lapses. There was something about the T.O.P.S. program that has been bothering me. What has been bothering me is the letter "S." That letter S stands for the word Sensibly. It is T.O.P.S. and K.O.P.S. Taking Off/Keeping Off Pounds Sensibly. Not T.O.P. Taking Off Pounds. Not K.O.P. Keeping Off Pounds. The word "Sensibly" has to count or it would not have been there.
When I go to a T.O.P.S. meeting, I do not expect to hear about how people starved themselves the day of the meeting and/or didn't drink any water that day. And I certainly don't expect to hear about how people have been skipping meals for three days before the meeting. This is not taking pounds off sensibly. This is not keeping off pounds sensibly. This is eating-disordered behavior.
Folks talk opening about that. What other eating-disordered actions are being taken and not talked about. Are there a few members who are sticking a finger down their throat and barfing before a meeting? How many members are taking large quantities of laxatives in an effort to shit the extra calories out? How many members are taking large quantities of diurectics in order to piss the extra calories out?
The silence is deafening. I'm willing to bet that there are members who elect any one or all of these things as a way to sacrifice themselves to their weight. Look people.. I cannot change the system. I've got too much other stuff on the plate. But I will tell you what. I'm not hanging where old behavior reigns supreme.
Now is the time for me to live this. To not engage in any sort of patterned starvation. To embrace who I am wholly and completely.
To make consistent healthy eating choices consistent with who I am and who I want to be.