Wednesday, 4 March 2015

The Two Hands of Help

Ever go through your feed on whatever social networking you happen to frequent and see a lot of people whining and complaining about things you have talked about? I imagine that there are two trains of thought on this, and I have fallen victim to both of them. The one hand would get bitter because you pointed out a remedy to whatever ails the person sitting on the pity pot, and the other hand would smirk at how the person sitting on the pity pot ignored you when you pointed out the remedy that ails them. A better person than I would just comment on the post with the same remedy that you have pointed out before, but I only play a good person in blogs.

I’m willing to admit that I am a jerk, so I gave up on the whole trying to help the helpless. This doesn’t mean that when I say, or write, or point out things it falls on deaf ears. It actually doesn’t, and I happen to be grateful to the people that thank me for something I said, or give me updates on their progress from something I shared. I know differently, and there are certain people in this world that really don’t want help, they just want an audience. I have learned to enjoy the smirk, even if it translates into the misery of others at times. YOU HAVE TO DO THIS!

There are a lot of different types of people in this world folks. I can’t list all of them but a couple that need to be pointed out for the sake of sanity is “the needy” and “the helpful” which people get confused about. There are people who are genuinely needy and a hand up is all they need. They then take the opportunities and get on with their life, usually grateful for the assistance. Then there are those that are always going to be needy because it is in their nature, and all they do is suck the energy out of the helpful until there is no energy left for the genuinely needy. Hate to be blunt, but there is no honor in wasted effort.

If you don’t learn to dissociate from those that aren’t actually looking for help, and genuinely trying to live off of the pity of others then you will never have time. They are out there in spades, and it could end up being a Walking Dead episode in your own life. I hate to get biblical here but Jesus had a pretty good point when he said “Follow me; and let the dead bury their dead,” which has helped me through many a bad scenario of allowing my own pity to cripple me. The “life” experience which to me was concluded from that passage out of Matthew was, “Our job is to carry the message to the living.”

Above all else in your life, let me give you this. I learned a long time ago in meetings I sat through to deal with my own problems, where everyone remains anonymous, that you need to take care of you. You need to trust God or whatever entity you place in the position of being more powerful than you. You need to help others because that is what makes you a human being, and not a human doing, BUT you need to be realistic as to who needs help and who doesn’t. Place a price on your time and understand if someone deserves to use that time or not. Some people are worth a billion dollars worth of Jeremy, and others aren’t worth a dime. At least for the love of God figure out who treats you with the same respect of time and energy you would like to give to them, before you give it to them.

1 comment:

sapphoq said...

Very true. Not everyone wants my help. Even among those who are asking for my help there lurks many looking for handouts.

A "hand up" has one less letter than a "handout" but the two are worlds apart.

I learned to say to the toxic vampires, "I don't know how to fix that one. I'm sure you will be able to figure it out."

And there are so many helpers who automatically assume that when I talk about a problem, I want them to fix it. Conversely, I tell them "I don't know what to do about this yet. I am sure that I will be able to figure this one out."

Anything worth having is worth working for. Viable adults use social supports but do not use people.

A fine post.