Why Trolls Are Better Than Socks

1.  Socks are high maintenance.  You have to wash your socks.  You don't ever want to wash your troll.

2.  Socks are always serious.  Trolls do it for the lulz.

3.  Socks talk to each other out of desperation.  Trolls don't really care about the attention.

4.  Socks are emo-driven.  Trolls are rude, crude and indifferent.

5.  Socks never know what to do next.  Trolls are spontaneous. 

6.  Socks live in a drawer.  Trolls live in nature under bridges and in the troll forest.

7.  Socks are cheap.  Trolls cannot be bought.

8.  Socks are sexless.  Trolls are sexy.

9.  You can find socks in the discount bin.  Trolls are sitting on the shelves looking pretty.

10. Socks are fakes.  Trolls are genuine.  One does not have to give up one's wallet info in order to be genuine.

11. Socks get eaten by the washing machine.  Trolls eat washing machines.

12. Socks get mixed up.  Trolls always have all of their molecules arranged in the correct places.

13. Socks are woven constructs.  Trolls are as ancient as the rocks.

14. Socks seek recognition and approval from others.  Trolls don't care about that.

15. Socks are for wearing.  Trolls are a state of being.

16. Socks slouch.  Trolls have more fun.

17. Socks are serious business.  Trolls do it for the lulz.

18. Socks have to keep creating e-mail accounts.  Trolls don't have to do that.

19. Socks have to keep their many socks straight.  Trolls know who they are.

20. Socks suck.  Trolls swallow.

21. Socks shrink.  Trolls expand.

22. Socks take pride in victim culture.  Trolls have survived victim-hood and are now thriving.    

23. Socks run around trying to find answers.  Trolls ask interesting questions.

24. Socks are puny.  Trolls are punny.

25. Socks are fuming.  Trolls are funny.

26. Socks wear out.  Trolls just keep going and going and going.

27. Socks are stationary.  Trolls travel the world.

28. "Socks" is a common name for cats.  Trolls are larger than life and are a common name for nothing.

29. Socks don't love you anymore.  Trolls never did.

30. Socks hide behind religion as a means of self-justification of their existence.  Trolls hide behind nothing.

31. Dirty socks smell.  Dirty trolls are the norm.

32.  Socks can be abandoned.  Trolls are not as easily kicked to the curb.

33. Sock nets just get sloppy.  Troll nets catch lobsters.


A clammy disclaimer:  Oh my my.  I do it for the lulz.  If you think this post is about you, then take off your socks.  By the way, I have socks too.  But they don't talk to each other.  I have no mad troll skillz but I'm working on it.
Now, where's the coffee?