Friday, 18 April 2008

A Murder of Crows - Volume 16

Ok now I have seen it all! I received this snail mail from a company called Quick Click Loans {} telling me that I am Pre-qualified* {note the * of course} for an unsecured loan of up to 2000.00. {WooooHoooo! Yay Me!} with the simple note attached …

Congratulations! We here at value your proven financial responsibility and therefore have pre-qualified {note no * … uh oh!} you for a personal loan of between $1,100.00 and $2,000.00.

Everyone needs extra cash so at our courteous and professional loan specialists are ready to expedite your loan request so that you can receive your extra cash within 24 hours.

You can use your extra cash for home or auto repair, tuition, or for any unexpected expense.

Here’s how to get started:

From the convenience and privacy of your own home … blah blah blah … It’s just that Easy!

Personal Loan GuaranteesFixed Simple Interest Rate. Your rate of interest will not change. Loans have an APR of 96% {I’m not shitting you, they list this outright like it is something wonderful!} - Manageable Payments / No Prepayment Penalty. Pay off your loan anytime with NO extra fees. {Visiting the site will tell you that there is also no reduction in interest rate payment due to schedule, so technically if you pay it off the next day it would have an APR of 35,040% which is technically worse than visiting Vinnie and Guido for all of your loan needs}

They then show you a loan schedule – 1,100.00 = 104.48 per month for 24 months {It was blazingly obvious to me just looking at that how pathetic it was, but for those that can’t add up it is 2,507.52 for the 1,100.00 you get} – 1,500.00 = 142.47 {3,419.00} – 2,000.00 = 189.96 {4559.04}

Approval in 24 hours. You can be approved within 24 hours of submitting your application. {Well fuck yeah, once we have the type of idiot we are looking for we don’t allow them the proper “thinking time” to get away!}

Money the Same Day. If you get approval by noon, you can have your money the same day. Except weekends and Holidays. {See above}

The fact stands as I look back to when I was young and stupid {as opposed to old and stupid now} and I wouldn’t have gone near something like this. I am trying to understand the type of person that would and it just doesn’t register to me. I have a hard time believing that anyone who signs off on something like this doesn’t completely deserve it, but at the same time I don’t like wanton criminals despite the fact that “the law” states that they are not. The mental anguish over things like this could be stifling if people took it too seriously, and I don’t. I take advantage of a mental defect that I happen to have which is the difference between right and wrong. I also happen to suffer from a mental defect which fully supports vigilantism. The advantage of that flaw is I self righteously do things that would fall in the category of “wrong” but convince myself that it is for the right reasons.

I was rather upset that this letter came without a postage paid envelope so that I could cost them money sensing it back with my condescending note, so I decided that I would have to have fun with their website. It’s the only reason that I actually listed their website address {which I usually don’t do because I don’t want to give free advertising} because I would hope that anyone out there with a little time on their hands would assist me in making their business a real pain in the ass. I’ll start by spamming the hell out of the militant Usenet groups with their e-mail addresses, and work my way up from there ;8o)

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... Mental Notes& Random Musings {Daily Blog} The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of J~ Crow}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

All writings Copyright © 2008 .. The Crow's Nest