Re-Print

The following is a reprint of the post I made on Chrystal Mahan's There is More to Life than Chocolate blog.  Her blog is definitely worth a look for anyone that is endeavoring to achieve a healthy lifestyle as well as for folks who like yummy low-carb recipes.

Me Too

Yes, I am a food addict too.  I am currently struggling with developing a healthy relationship with food.  I love to eat.  I love food.  I love almost all food.  There is hardly a food I've met that I didn't like.

I was thin growing up although I ate as much as I could when I was awake.  I too have summer memories of food binges.  A high school buddy and I would get together, walk to the store on the corner, and walk back with our own individual half gallon of ice cream.  We would sit in her bedroom, each of us holding our own box of ice cream and eat until they were gone.  

As I got into my twenties, the weight piled on gradually until I was thirty pounds overweight.  I lost that weight and then a bit more because I wasn't eating enough due to something personal happening that I could not cope with.  Needless to say, I gained it all back and then some.

I tried a stint in T.O.P.S.-- that stands for "Take Off Pounds Sensibly."  I did reach my goal weight and maintained it for over a year.  But the pounds came creeping back.  Right now I am about seventeen pounds over my goal weight.

The thing that bothered me while I was in TOPS was the tendency of some of the members, myself included, to eat much less for a couple of days before weigh-ins.  To me, this smacked of eating-disordered behavior.  I was dissatisfied.  I didn't like this thing I was doing in order to try to maintain my goal weight.

So I have quit TOPS for the time being and am working hard to establish healthy eating habits everyday.  I know that eating like I always ate for four days and then eating hardly anything for three days is not the way to a healthy relationship with food.  I am disappointed that I am above my goal weight.  I am hopeful that by doing what I have to do in order to eat smart every day, I will achieve my goal weight and stick to it without engaging in eating-disordered behavior.  It may take a bit longer this way but that is alright.

I am striving to do this in a healthier way than I have been.  For that I endorse myself as I continue to grapple with food.

sapphoq  

Eating-Disordered Behaviors

For the most part, I have been maintaining my weight with occasional lapses.  There was something about the T.O.P.S. program that has been bothering me.  What has been bothering me is the letter "S."  That letter S stands for the word Sensibly.  It is T.O.P.S. and K.O.P.S. Taking Off/Keeping Off Pounds Sensibly.  Not T.O.P. Taking Off Pounds.  Not K.O.P. Keeping Off Pounds.  The word "Sensibly" has to count or it would not have been there.

When I go to a T.O.P.S. meeting, I do not expect to hear about how people starved themselves the day of the meeting and/or didn't drink any water that day.  And I certainly don't expect to hear about how people have been skipping meals for three days before the meeting.  This is not taking pounds off sensibly.  This is not keeping off pounds sensibly.  This is eating-disordered behavior.

Folks talk opening about that.  What other eating-disordered actions are being taken and not talked about.  Are there a few members who are sticking a finger down their throat and barfing before a meeting?  How many members are taking large quantities of laxatives in an effort to shit the extra calories out?  How many members are taking large quantities of diurectics in order to piss the extra calories out?

The silence is deafening.  I'm willing to bet that there are members who elect any one or all of these things as a way to sacrifice themselves to their weight.  Look people.. I cannot change the system.  I've got too much other stuff on the plate.  But I will tell you what.  I'm not hanging where old behavior reigns supreme.

Now is the time for me to live this.  To not engage in any sort of patterned starvation.  To embrace who I am wholly and completely.
To make consistent healthy eating choices consistent with who I am and who I want to be.

sapphoq