A missed #AddictionChat

@LEAFcouncil from Wednesday night's 9 P.M. (E.S.T.) #AddictionChat on Twitter (tm) asked me to answer some of the questions from this past Wednesday. I had no time to go. I was teaching myself how to format so I could get my two e-books published. Ten hours later... I did!

Okay, here goes then:
1. Introduce yourself, what brings you to #AddictionChat and where you're from.
SpikedUpFrog, my computer brings me here and I'm from the Interwebz.

2. In your opinion, what is the role of spirituality in a person's recovery?
I don't know. I know what awe is but the concept of spirituality has not been personally useful to me.
I don't accept supernatural or preternatural claims at this time because good-enough evidence for these claims are lacking. Unfortunately, for those not affiliated with a religion, "spirituality" can lend itself to New Age beliefs and mysticism.
I understand something about belief, which is why I don't much argue with those who find comfort in faith. I have witnessed the harm that New Ageism can do and am much against that sort of thing.

3. Must a person be connected to a formal faith community to have long-term recovery?
No.
I've been continually clean since September 8, 1980.

4. Some believe that 12-step programs are cult-like. Do they require a belief in God?
Thinking that a 12-step program is cult-like or has some characteristics of a cult is a separate question from the requirement to believe in God.
Alcoholics Anonymous shares a few characteristics with "cults" but also has some differences from a "cult." There is a newer word for "cult" but I can never remember it. It is actually a phrase. Not "newer religious movements" either. Something else referencing the manipulative nature of cults.


Bill W. was raised as a Methodist. He joined the Oxford group which was an evangelical Christian sort of outfit. The recovering alcoholics chose to separate from the Oxford group because Roman Catholics were threatened with ex-communication if they retained their association with the Oxford group.
The Big Book was set up with the idea that an A.A. member would believe in a God or would come to believe in one. This is most evident in the chapter to the agnostics.
Having a door knob as one's higher power does not work any longer when Bill W. went on to mention that the higher power that one chooses must be personal and loving. A door knob cannot love you. Neither can nature.

@SeanStOnge has the right of it when he talks about the Big Book and what it says about a belief in God. 
According to the Big Book, belief in God is absolutely necessary. The phrase "as we understood him" was added due to the intervention of an atheist in the rooms. The man called "Ed the salesman" was an atheist and in spite of what Bill W. wrote about him, he remained an atheist. It is reported that he penned a book about being an atheist in long-term recovery but I haven't located a copy yet.

For those of us who have a sincerely held non-belief, we have to do something else.

5. What about atheists? Does "spirituality" in recovery apply? How do they adapt 12-step programs?
I don't use the word "spirituality" or the phrase "spiritual but not religious." I had to re-write the steps so that way I could work them and remain in recovery.

6. How does spirituality enhance a person's recovery? This question applies to those with faith, agnostics, and atheists.
I don't do spirituality because I have not found it a meaningful term in my life.

7. When new to recovery, the "Higher Power" thing is a mystery. How does one figure that out?
I came in believing but as I progressed through my recovery, I found it more intellectually honest for me to be an atheist.

8. What are some ways that a person can nurture their spirit and enhance their recovery?
I don't recognize spirit as being something real. There are things that human beings in general can do and do do in order to nurture themselves and make a better life for themselves. People in recovery are not so different from other people.

9. When it comes to holidays, how does a person in recovery navigate faith if it is different from their family's?
I live in a country where right now it is not dangerous to self-identify as an atheist. My family situation is such that I am out to them as a non-theist. I eat Thanksgiving with them. I give presents to the nieces and nephews for Christmas. There is nothing that I have to do unless I choose to.

10. Finally, if someone has questions about faith/spirituality and recovery, what resources would you suggest?
If they are believers or they want to believe, I refer them to members who do believe. If they are atheists, agnostics, free-thinkers, secular humanists, or nones, they can go to the aa agnostica website or some of atheist forums which do offer support to those of us who are clean. There are also other means of recovery which are not 12-step oriented such as S.O.S.-- James Christopher's program Secular Organizations for Sobriety or Save Our Selves-- Women for Sobriety, and a few others.
I've covered the resources for folks like me in my newly published e-book called "Another Atheist in Recovery" up at Barnes & Nobel. It is an ePub so it can be read on any reader. It is also free from D.R.M. because I hate the D.R.M. You can buy the book if you are really interested in one example of how an atheist might work recovery at: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/anotheratheistinrecovery-spikedup-frog/1120799496?ean=2940150475434

Atheists in Recovery and the Fundy Factor

N.B. Absolutely no disrespect is intended to those of my close friends who identify as Christian, born-again Christian, fundamentalist Christian, or literal Christian. This piece is more a reflection on discrimination in the rooms of recovery directed at non-believers on the part of the more radical fundamentalist Christians who disrupt meetings with preaching and exhortation.
     I love my conservative Christian friends. Period.

     Yes, we do exist. Maybe we never believed in any gods and came in not believing. Maybe we decided we didn't believe during adulthood and also came in not believing. Maybe we came in believing but in the course of our recovery embraced atheism. [I fit into the third category].

     Some newcomers are mad at their god or gods. They usually calm down after a bit and manage to forgive their deity or deities. They are not seeking information about atheism and that is their right. Some newcomers may have never been exposed to any teachings about divinity. Upon discovering that sort of thing, they become believers. That is also their right.

      I am an atheist. I have thirty-four years of continuous clean time. The myth that "You must have a capital H Higher capital P Power" is a myth. There are more of us. I am not alone.

     The steps were written to be suggestions only. Check the writings of Bill W. as expressed in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous if you don't believe me. Bill W. also gave permission for the first Buddhist group to change the word "God" in the twelve steps to the word "good." See page 81.

     I don't pray. I don't meditate. I am not spiritual. I don't do woo woo. I had to rewrite the steps in order to be able to remain in recovery. And yes, I am very much in recovery.

     Meetings vary according to geography. That is to be expected. In our area, there has been an increase in the expression of fundamentalist Christianity. I went to an A.A. meeting yesterday where an outspoken fundy got a few friends to chant "May you find Him now" and "God could and would if He were sought" during the reading of How It Works. Annoying? Well, yes. Also annoying is when the fundy chairs and absolutely refuses to call on me. For my part, I choose my battles today. Being ignored at a meeting by the chair is not such a big deal. The funny thing is, the fundy is an excellent chair who keeps the meeting moving and on track.

     N.A. meetings here are traditionally more free-wheeling. But even there, I have been told things like "You're not a true atheist. You believe in the woods." [Huh?]

     Alanon and Overeaters Anonymous have also fallen to the fundy factor round here. CoDA is a bit more lax. I haven't been to Gamblers Anonymous or to NicA. [No, I don't qualify for every XA program. They do have open meetings]. ACOA and ACA meetings are too full of pain and anguish for me to even consider going to them. Dual Recovery Anonymous has substituted "God of our understanding" but that program too has more religious members than not. I've been to meetings across the country and the fundy factor is not as evident in some of those. 

     It has never been my intention to convert people to atheism. And I refuse to do that now. The problem is when there is an overmuch of fundy talk, some new people are driven away. I do believe in equal time. At meetings when the fundy factor gets out of control, when it is my turn to talk [if I am not ignored by the one fundy chair] I let people know that belief is not required in order to work a solid program. Yes, sincere atheists in the rooms do tend to seek me out.

     I read a joke on-line recently while doing research for a small e-book I am writing about being an atheist in recovery. 

Question: If you object to all of the God talk, why do you attend meetings?
Answer: I am part of the Newcomer Rescue Squad.

sapphoq needing coffee says: I don't exactly feel that way but there are days when I am getting closer.

Follow Program Etiquette

      I walk into the room. The floor is already a mess even though the linoleum is less than two months old. The new paint is peeling where someone had ripped a taped sign off the wall. Dead mouse smell hits my nostrils. On the wax board in front of the room [a thirty two dollar wax board, sigh...group conscience] someone had scrawled the words Follow Program Edecate. I put my stuff down on the couch. I approach the wax board. The eraser has long ago disappeared. I wipe off the offensive words with a sleeve.

     Several years ago, some of the bleeding deacons decided that the new people who were now infiltrating the rooms in droves needed to be taught about what they referred to as "program etiquette." I thought that was a lousy idea. We already had chair people announcing things like don't cuss and turn off the cell phones [group conscience] at the beginning of each meeting. How many rules did we need here?

     Not to be denied, some of the folks from the district got together and began going around to different places and holding "workshops" on "etiquette." Yes, I went to one. One was enough. There was a slew of things that were offensive to the bleeding deacons:
          
          New people got up and down too much.

          They went to the bathrooms too much.

          They dared to leave the meeting to take smoke breaks.


          New people talked too much to each other during the meetings.

          They talked about day treatment, drug court, and other addictions when it was their turn to share.

          Some of them even left the meeting before the final prayer at the end.



          New people didn't understand anonymity.

          They talked about the meeting in the parking lot.

          They ratted on people to their counselors or to drug court.


     If these workshops had been renamed "Traditions Workshops" and the trads were presented as ideals to follow, I would not have had a problem. But the etiquette workshops were simply bitchfests with lecturers. Nothing good came out of them far as I could tell.

     I have a lot of time in. I've been abstinent for more than half my life. When I get up during a meeting to use the bathroom, I don't get the stares from the bleeding deacons. Kids have to ask to be excused from the room or from the dinner table. Adults at a recovery meeting do at times have to use the bathroom during the meeting. This should not be a big deal people.

     Yes, some of us are easily distracted. It ain't just the newcomers, folks. Yes, sometimes the room is too bright or too noisy or too smelly. Yeah, sometimes we need to stand up or stretch our legs a bit. If an adult wishes to leave a room for any reason, why is that anyone's business? Sometimes, a topic is hitting close to home and someone may need a break for that reason. Tobacco is an addiction, we are now told. If you don't smoke or if your smoking allows you to sit still for an hour without a cigarette, count yourself lucky.

     Is there a list of acceptable topics floating around that I haven't been told about? If I am worried or angry or think I will relapse over some person, place, thing, situation, organization, or other entity, isn't that fair game for bringing up at a meeting? "Hardly any recovery in this room," you say. I was told that if I thought something was going to cause me to mess up, that I could talk about it in the rooms. Whatever.

     There are a few more non-theists in the rooms than there used to be. The growing trend of young people who are un-churched is also reflected in the composition of people in recovery. Some of us choose to sit or stand during the final prayer. We don't want to be fake and say words that do not hold any meaning to us. Folks leaving before the final "amen" disconcerts me too at times. Bottom line: We don't have (all that much, if any) control over the behavior of others. I don't have to die on that particular mountain. Neither do you. A few people will leave before the end of meetings. Suck it up and deal with it. 

     Breaching of anonymity is a problem but it is not only the newcomers who do it. Some people who should know better call up drug court personnel and rat out the mandated people. This one goes to the bathroom too much. That one comes a few minutes late. The other one is sleeping. These two are seeing each other secretly on the side. And so on. The professional staff at drug court are at fault for listening. So maybe new folks in treatment are in the parking lot talking about what happened at the meetings. Is that any worse than those of us who know better going home and telling our spouses who was there or what was said? Different from a gang of recovering people in a restaurant talking about other recovering people? More terrible than the rumors going around concerning who picked up again, who slept with who, or who is getting a divorce? Awful-er than snitching to drug court? We who have been there have a responsibility to follow the spirit of tradition twelve as well as the letter.

     This is not an us versus them thing. This is not a newcomers against bleeding deacons recovery. We have a responsibility at meetings. We are the ones who can gently take people aside and explain some aspect of a tradition. We are the ones who can help a chairperson out by asking for quiet. We are the ones who can practice celebrating the new people instead of verbally attacking them for not "following program etiquette."

     Cell phones are an annoyance everywhere. The abrupt ringing is a problem in movie theaters and classrooms as well as in meetings. Cursing is something that may offend some of the older folks. As for the rest of your shitty rules, stuff them.

     We have no business directing when someone may take care of their bodily functions, take a cigarette break, or leave a room. We are not prison guards. We are not the be all and end all. When we fail to be polite and respectful of newcomers, we add another notch to the belt of problem behaviors in the rooms. One of these days, most of us will wake up and find ourselves dead. Those newcomers that you deplore will be left to carry on the message. What legacy are you leaving them?

sapphoq itching for a coffee and more

          
          

     

Is This a Meeting or a Revival?

     Now look it here, I understand that your capital H Higher capital P Power is Jesus Christ. I'm glad you found him wherever it was that you found him. I'm glad that you are no longer getting high or drunk. I even will support you when you specify who your Higher Power is at a meeting of recovery. You want to say, "My Higher Power who is Jesus Christ." I'm good with that. No problem. And yes, I will wish you a Merry Christmas during that time of the year even though I celebrate the winter solstice instead.

     When a recovery type meeting turns into testimony time of how much [most of] you really love Jesus, that becomes a problem. You are not at church. A meeting is not your preaching platform. Telling us [non-believers] over and over again how you got saved is not conductive to us wanting to get saved.

     I respect your right to believe as you wish to. I don't make it my personal mission to declare my atheism at meetings. Nor do I want to convert you to my way of thinking. I have never said to you, "Oh keep coming. And one day you will give up your silly superstitions and become like me." I have never told you the process that I went through that brought me to this place of contented atheism. Please respect my right to conduct my life and my recovery as I see fit, without any capital H higher capital P powers in my life. Atheism is the absence of belief. Got that?

sapphoq itching for a coffee says: People from many other cultural backgrounds and even non-christian religious affiliations have had experiences which have changed their lives. You christians do not have the monopoly on that. These emotional and spiritual rearrangements make recovery possible to people all over the world and not just christians. 
     Hey, I had a near death experience once [induced by fear, not because I was near death because I wasn't]. These sorts of events are caused by the firing of multiple neurons in the brain and not by religious [non] realities. Even so, my NDE changed my life.
     I prefer natural explanations to supernatural explanations even when dealing with the recovery process.