Unity or Uniformity

     Twelve step programs-- although very much retaining the monopoly on what the majority of American treatment and rehabs offer in terms of how to maintain abstinence-- may not be the best fit for every patient or client or participant seeking to get free from addiction. This is something that we often ignore while bemoaning those who have darkened the doorways of 'our' meetings [and 'our' treatment facilities, if we happen to be staff at one of them] who went back out or continued to use. We are so fond of claiming that various addictions are now a disease of some sort. 

     What kind of people are we when we blame the patient for failing to gain or regain health after one or more bouts with a disease?

     When a cancer patient gets sicker and dies in spite of the chemo or radiation, do we blame the patient?

     When someone gripped in the natural course of a non-reversible dementia progresses and dies in spite of medical interventions, do we blame the patient?

     And yet, the addict seeking help is blamed for his or her return to active addiction. [I use addict to also include those who are addicted to alcohol]. What gives? Maybe we don't really believe in the disease concept. [Okay, I don't. I don't claim acceptance of the disease concept which seems to have swept the addiction treatment industry by storm].

     The problem does not lay in how we define addiction. Whether it is a medical condition with multiple etiologies and a disease-like progression, an actual disease, something else entirely, or a combination of these things is not something that I am taking issue with in this particular blog post. 

     While how we define addiction certainly does determine whether or not insurance companies will pay for treatment, it is not really at the crux of the problem. The problem is the low success rate ascribed to addicts seeking recovery. When making a decision related to my health, I seek out more than one option. And when the success rate for an option presented to me is described as anywhere from ten percent to just under thirty-four percent, I certainly do my research. I want the odds to be in my favor. In cases of severe and/or chronic and/or terminal diseases or conditions, there may not be better odds or very many viable options. Science offers us the opportunity to discover and describe best practices in medicine.

     In the United States, I think what we are suffering from is a lack of rigorous research into the multiple causes of addiction, treatment options, and how to determine the best fit for each client or patient. Twelve step programs have aided many of us in changing our lives thereby enabling us to become and remain abstinent. Yet, some percentage of people fail out of meetings with or without adjunct professional help. Not every human being is able to find a new way of life within the current structure of treatment and maintenance of abstinence. 

     There is no one way to recover. Yet, one way to recover utilizing the twelve steps of various Anonymous programs is what is pushed by the addictions treatment industry.

     We have today other ways to develop social support systems-- there is Celebrate Recovery [for Christians], Secular Organizations for Sobriety [or s.o.s. for non-theists, and for those who may be religious but wish to separate their religious practices from their recovery program], the Red Road [for Native Americans], Women For Sobriety [for women], Double Trouble and Dual Recovery Anonymous [both organizations are for those who also have mental health diagnoses], Rational Recovery [for rational people], Drug Courts [for non-violent offenders-- which include may include attendance at support groups and rehabs and/or a residential program] and more. Some of the programs utilize re-written forms of the twelve steps. Others do not. And some people do maintain abstinence via their religious practices and no attendance at any sort of program.

     Some of us discover that a twelve step program is the only program available to us. Even if we are able to travel some distance to attend a meeting that is not X.A., non-X.A. meetings may not be held as often as we may like.  And yet, there are a number of people for whom a twelve step program is not sufficient, adequate, or appropriate. Fortunately, within the Interwebz, we can find others who are thriving outside of the 12 step rooms.

     The sorry state of treatment programs today does not allow for options other than the twelve steps. People are not told that there are other options or ways to recover. And as far as truly personalizing treatment to the individual addict, that does not usually exist. A few addicts may be lucky enough to land in a program that recognizes that medication-assisted recovery, concurrent mental health treatment, or harm-reduction strategies may be better suited for certain patients but that is not, generally speaking, the experience of many addicts who have sought treatment. And we just don't know enough of how to figure out which addicts will do best in which options. We need more research and more development of alternate resources for those seeking recovery today.

     The thing is, none of us practice recovery in the specific ways it was described in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. There are scattered groups of individuals who are attempting a return to A.A.'s early times. And that's cool.

     For some of us, that sort of thing is not appropriate or useful. We don't fit. We need the stuff that we resonate with, whether it is participation in X.A. as it has evolved in these times or some other form of social supports. And some addicts do not resonate with X.A. 

     We do not have to be addicts kept in uniforms lined up against the wall waiting for lunch to begin, as if we were still in a regimented high school. The unity of a healthy twelve step meeting is truly a wonder to behold. A healthy group acknowledges that we can practice our unity in spite of our differences.

     We are not all the same. Some addicts need something else in order to recover. So let's quit blaming them for failing out of what we have to offer. Treatment providers need to learn how to fit treatment to each individual addict rather than fitting each addict to their brand of treatment.

     I envision a place where the characteristics of each individual patient is respected and where patients are offered more than one way to recover. Someday, we will know enough to stop blaming those who fail out of the system and instead invest in research that will truly illuminate best practices in addiction treatment. Until then, more of us will die. 

sapphoq badly needing a coffee says: I count myself fortunate that I have been able to make a life for myself within the recovery landscape as it exists today in my geographical location. My hope is that all of us who seek a way out will indeed be able to discover a way out. But that isn't the way it is YET.

     
For information on how an atheist can remain abstinent in a twelve-step program, buy my e-book "Another Atheist in Recovery." If you aren't an atheist, then buy my e-book "Up the Rebels" which is a hacker/slacker kind of a novel.
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/SpikedUp-Frog?store=allproducts&keyword=SpikedUp+Frog
Neither e-book has DRM. They are written in ePub format which can be read on many readers and also on your computer via Calibre or other reading program [but not Adobe tm].
I support the torrents so if someone wants to make my e-books available to others for free, that would be really cool-- and supported by the Creative Commons license that I used.

A missed #AddictionChat

@LEAFcouncil from Wednesday night's 9 P.M. (E.S.T.) #AddictionChat on Twitter (tm) asked me to answer some of the questions from this past Wednesday. I had no time to go. I was teaching myself how to format so I could get my two e-books published. Ten hours later... I did!

Okay, here goes then:
1. Introduce yourself, what brings you to #AddictionChat and where you're from.
SpikedUpFrog, my computer brings me here and I'm from the Interwebz.

2. In your opinion, what is the role of spirituality in a person's recovery?
I don't know. I know what awe is but the concept of spirituality has not been personally useful to me.
I don't accept supernatural or preternatural claims at this time because good-enough evidence for these claims are lacking. Unfortunately, for those not affiliated with a religion, "spirituality" can lend itself to New Age beliefs and mysticism.
I understand something about belief, which is why I don't much argue with those who find comfort in faith. I have witnessed the harm that New Ageism can do and am much against that sort of thing.

3. Must a person be connected to a formal faith community to have long-term recovery?
No.
I've been continually clean since September 8, 1980.

4. Some believe that 12-step programs are cult-like. Do they require a belief in God?
Thinking that a 12-step program is cult-like or has some characteristics of a cult is a separate question from the requirement to believe in God.
Alcoholics Anonymous shares a few characteristics with "cults" but also has some differences from a "cult." There is a newer word for "cult" but I can never remember it. It is actually a phrase. Not "newer religious movements" either. Something else referencing the manipulative nature of cults.


Bill W. was raised as a Methodist. He joined the Oxford group which was an evangelical Christian sort of outfit. The recovering alcoholics chose to separate from the Oxford group because Roman Catholics were threatened with ex-communication if they retained their association with the Oxford group.
The Big Book was set up with the idea that an A.A. member would believe in a God or would come to believe in one. This is most evident in the chapter to the agnostics.
Having a door knob as one's higher power does not work any longer when Bill W. went on to mention that the higher power that one chooses must be personal and loving. A door knob cannot love you. Neither can nature.

@SeanStOnge has the right of it when he talks about the Big Book and what it says about a belief in God. 
According to the Big Book, belief in God is absolutely necessary. The phrase "as we understood him" was added due to the intervention of an atheist in the rooms. The man called "Ed the salesman" was an atheist and in spite of what Bill W. wrote about him, he remained an atheist. It is reported that he penned a book about being an atheist in long-term recovery but I haven't located a copy yet.

For those of us who have a sincerely held non-belief, we have to do something else.

5. What about atheists? Does "spirituality" in recovery apply? How do they adapt 12-step programs?
I don't use the word "spirituality" or the phrase "spiritual but not religious." I had to re-write the steps so that way I could work them and remain in recovery.

6. How does spirituality enhance a person's recovery? This question applies to those with faith, agnostics, and atheists.
I don't do spirituality because I have not found it a meaningful term in my life.

7. When new to recovery, the "Higher Power" thing is a mystery. How does one figure that out?
I came in believing but as I progressed through my recovery, I found it more intellectually honest for me to be an atheist.

8. What are some ways that a person can nurture their spirit and enhance their recovery?
I don't recognize spirit as being something real. There are things that human beings in general can do and do do in order to nurture themselves and make a better life for themselves. People in recovery are not so different from other people.

9. When it comes to holidays, how does a person in recovery navigate faith if it is different from their family's?
I live in a country where right now it is not dangerous to self-identify as an atheist. My family situation is such that I am out to them as a non-theist. I eat Thanksgiving with them. I give presents to the nieces and nephews for Christmas. There is nothing that I have to do unless I choose to.

10. Finally, if someone has questions about faith/spirituality and recovery, what resources would you suggest?
If they are believers or they want to believe, I refer them to members who do believe. If they are atheists, agnostics, free-thinkers, secular humanists, or nones, they can go to the aa agnostica website or some of atheist forums which do offer support to those of us who are clean. There are also other means of recovery which are not 12-step oriented such as S.O.S.-- James Christopher's program Secular Organizations for Sobriety or Save Our Selves-- Women for Sobriety, and a few others.
I've covered the resources for folks like me in my newly published e-book called "Another Atheist in Recovery" up at Barnes & Nobel. It is an ePub so it can be read on any reader. It is also free from D.R.M. because I hate the D.R.M. You can buy the book if you are really interested in one example of how an atheist might work recovery at: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/anotheratheistinrecovery-spikedup-frog/1120799496?ean=2940150475434

Holidays and Holidaze

     Since I first got clean, people have been complaining and whining about "the holidays." I did too. At some point, I got over it but a few others perhaps did not. Recovery is as easy or as hard as we make it. 

     Here are some things you can do in order to not have meltdowns over a time of year that can be enjoyed or ignored rather than feared:

1. If you don't like a holiday or don't think you can manage to stay abstinent/ clean/ dry/ sober, then cancel it.
     * Not recommended if you have children. *
     
You can always visit the relatives the day after for leftovers.

My best Thanksgiving was the one I spent in the woods with my dogs and a couple of hiking buddies. For a meal, we heated up cans of turkey vegetable soup in a fire that we built in the snow.


2. You can volunteer at a soup kitchen or other place that is serving meals to those who need one. This just may get you out of yourself long enough to understand that not everything ought to be about you now that you are in recovery. You can take a newcomer with you to volunteer.

My elderly father volunteered in a soup kitchen on Christmas one year. He has Lewy Body Dementia but at that time he was able to manage being a volunteer for the day. He enjoyed himself immensely.


3. You can ask to work so that some other co-worker can have the day off.

I have specifically asked to work holidays and I enjoy doing it. This is another way of giving.


4. You can go Christmas caroling around the neighborhood or sign up to visit a nursing home or hospital on a holiday. Bringing in a simple program-- story-telling or singing-- is much appreciated there. You can take a newcomer with you.

A bunch of acquaintances and I did this one year in several neighborhoods. We had loads of fun. No one turned us away.


5. If someone wishes you a "Merry Christmas" and you celebrate something else or nothing, it really does not hurt you to wish them a "Merry Christmas." Same goes for Hanukkah, the Winter Solstice, and Saturnalia. Recognizing people in the ways that they wish to be recognized does not diminish you as a human being.

I am an atheist and I do this. (I understand that some people will boycott stores whose employees are required to say "Merry Christmas." That is a matter of choice). Not everything that people say to each other has to be perceived of or ought to be perceived of as a personal affront.


6. You can go to a meeting if that is something you do for your recovery. You can take a newcomer with you. 

For those who attend meetings, why not? 


7. You can go to a clubhouse or other place that has an alkathon or narathon. You will find meetings there. Maybe even some food, games, and friendly faces. You can take a newcomer with you.

I've spent several Thanksgivings and Christmases doing this and I had a blast.


8. Instead of worrying that your Thanksgiving or Christmas will not be perfect, you can participate in a food or clothing or toy drive in your neighborhood. Instead of buying presents for other adults, you can give stuff away to the less fortunate. If you have your own computer, you probably have an extra coat or sweater kicking around in your closet. Or you can host your own dinner and invite people who don't have a place to go for the day.

Dad taught me early on to pick out gently used toys for the kids in a local orphanage. Yes, it is wonderful to be able to give to others instead of focusing on my hang-ups or have nervous attacks over something that is supposed to be fun.


9. If you decide to brave being with family or friends who are not in recovery, you can grab a cup of coffee (or tea or hot chocolate or a combination of cranberry and orange juice warmed up in a microwave) instead of relapsing. You can also make an excuse and leave if you really must. You can call your sponsor or someone else in the rooms.

A cup of coffee reminds me of my recovery because I first started drinking coffee in recovery.


10. You can start your own traditions.


sapphoq itching for a coffee says: At all times, it helps me to remember why I am doing whatever I am doing. This includes family gatherings at Thanksgiving, Christmas, and other times of the year. When I get self-absorbed, I forget that not everything is "all about me." Because it really isn't. Just saying.

Thanks to #AddictionChat on Twitter for an excellent discussion about the holidays last Wednesday at 9 p.m. EST.

Atheists in Recovery and the Fundy Factor

N.B. Absolutely no disrespect is intended to those of my close friends who identify as Christian, born-again Christian, fundamentalist Christian, or literal Christian. This piece is more a reflection on discrimination in the rooms of recovery directed at non-believers on the part of the more radical fundamentalist Christians who disrupt meetings with preaching and exhortation.
     I love my conservative Christian friends. Period.

     Yes, we do exist. Maybe we never believed in any gods and came in not believing. Maybe we decided we didn't believe during adulthood and also came in not believing. Maybe we came in believing but in the course of our recovery embraced atheism. [I fit into the third category].

     Some newcomers are mad at their god or gods. They usually calm down after a bit and manage to forgive their deity or deities. They are not seeking information about atheism and that is their right. Some newcomers may have never been exposed to any teachings about divinity. Upon discovering that sort of thing, they become believers. That is also their right.

      I am an atheist. I have thirty-four years of continuous clean time. The myth that "You must have a capital H Higher capital P Power" is a myth. There are more of us. I am not alone.

     The steps were written to be suggestions only. Check the writings of Bill W. as expressed in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous if you don't believe me. Bill W. also gave permission for the first Buddhist group to change the word "God" in the twelve steps to the word "good." See page 81.

     I don't pray. I don't meditate. I am not spiritual. I don't do woo woo. I had to rewrite the steps in order to be able to remain in recovery. And yes, I am very much in recovery.

     Meetings vary according to geography. That is to be expected. In our area, there has been an increase in the expression of fundamentalist Christianity. I went to an A.A. meeting yesterday where an outspoken fundy got a few friends to chant "May you find Him now" and "God could and would if He were sought" during the reading of How It Works. Annoying? Well, yes. Also annoying is when the fundy chairs and absolutely refuses to call on me. For my part, I choose my battles today. Being ignored at a meeting by the chair is not such a big deal. The funny thing is, the fundy is an excellent chair who keeps the meeting moving and on track.

     N.A. meetings here are traditionally more free-wheeling. But even there, I have been told things like "You're not a true atheist. You believe in the woods." [Huh?]

     Alanon and Overeaters Anonymous have also fallen to the fundy factor round here. CoDA is a bit more lax. I haven't been to Gamblers Anonymous or to NicA. [No, I don't qualify for every XA program. They do have open meetings]. ACOA and ACA meetings are too full of pain and anguish for me to even consider going to them. Dual Recovery Anonymous has substituted "God of our understanding" but that program too has more religious members than not. I've been to meetings across the country and the fundy factor is not as evident in some of those. 

     It has never been my intention to convert people to atheism. And I refuse to do that now. The problem is when there is an overmuch of fundy talk, some new people are driven away. I do believe in equal time. At meetings when the fundy factor gets out of control, when it is my turn to talk [if I am not ignored by the one fundy chair] I let people know that belief is not required in order to work a solid program. Yes, sincere atheists in the rooms do tend to seek me out.

     I read a joke on-line recently while doing research for a small e-book I am writing about being an atheist in recovery. 

Question: If you object to all of the God talk, why do you attend meetings?
Answer: I am part of the Newcomer Rescue Squad.

sapphoq needing coffee says: I don't exactly feel that way but there are days when I am getting closer.

Dear Sis: to a family member new to recovery

I made this. Download and save it somewhere on your computer if you wish to. Use it on the Internet if you wish to. Credit and link backs totally unnecessary. Screw the DMCA, copyright trolls, copyright monopolists and others of that ilk.

Dear Sis,

     We've hardly talked in the past decade or two. It seems that you deal with me only when you have to. I don't know why that is. Any guesses would be mental masturbation. Maybe someday you will tell me what I did. Maybe you never will. 

     Yes, I've found your identities on the Internet. Yes, I've looked up anything you've made public in order to have a bit of a feeling for where your passions have led you. I am thrilled by your recent successes.

     I was disheartened to find that in your college years you were drinking and shoplifting. By your own account, you were buying from several liquor stores so that way "they wouldn't think [you were] an alcoholic." You organized shoplifting parties among your friends on weekends. I held my breath, hoping for some indication that you grew out of these things.

     By your recent report, you are feeling much better than you used to. You've quit drinking and smoking. [Was it cigarettes? Or weed? Or?]. You've shaped up and started taking better care of yourself. I feel both happy and sad at this news.

     Pictures of wedding dressings and nurseries. A sense that I have been disposed of along with your ex and your bad habits. It's alright I guess. 

     Dad is getting closer to the end. You've already moved on in ways that I cannot understand. I too had a stepfather that I loved. [He died awhile back]. We are so different-- you and I-- yet something in you and something in me we both got from Dad. Please don't forget him as you continue on your orbit to the sun.

     Even if we never connect, I wish you the very best in your life. I hope that you will find more of what you are seeking. Most of all, I wish you peace.

               ~ the forgotten one ~